Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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