because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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