Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
