i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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