I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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