My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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