omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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