i can't believe i had my finger in that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
