so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
