watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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