He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
