She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
