the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
