Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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