'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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