I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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