You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
