he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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