Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
