tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
