There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
