I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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