You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
