Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
