i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize