i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
