wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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