you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
