Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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