we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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