You're earring is so big in my mouth
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
