just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You need Xanax blowdarts
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
