break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
