remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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