I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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