Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
wow bdsm is so cute
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