Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
