im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
two words...techno handjob
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
