She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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