She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
