I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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