i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
