marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
