Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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