I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
