She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize