the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
