My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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