Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
