I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
