This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
