i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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