i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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