ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
