theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
