Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
