I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
