I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
