last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
