"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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