I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
