Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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