I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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