I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
