So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
