You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
