At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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