i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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