Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
