Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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