i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
