never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
