Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
