4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
