A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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