and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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