I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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