In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
